There was a bold, confident knock on Hollywood executive Geoff Chaser’s rare Brazilian Weeping Tree door. Or at least, that’s what the salesmen had told him when he bought it.

“Come on in, Chaz!” Geoff yelled, splitting a thin line of cocaine out from a pile on his desk.

“Geoff! Baby! How it do?” Chaz Blazer was decked out in a severe black three piece suit, yet his dress shirt was completely unbuttoned down to Air Jordan 9s the crotch. It was, inexplicably, still tucked in.

“Take a seat, Chaz. I’m afraid I have some bad news. The studio’s been going through some tough times, and it breaks my heart to say it, but I’m afraid we might Air Jordan 15s have to let you go.”

“Oh, god.” Visions of unemployment ran through Chaz’s head; he wouldn’t go back to the Tanning Salon. He’d burned that bridge a long time ago. And the warehouse next Air Jordan 5s door, too.

“Wow. This really got out of hand. “You fucking nailed me with that one, Geoff! I wouldn’t even blame you if you didn’t call me the next day.”

“I totally wouldn’t! I’d leave you a business card with a fake phone number that connects up to a venereal disease treatment clinic.”

Geoff quickly ran through a series of meditative stretches, then snorted three lines in rapid succession.

“I am burnt today, Chaz. Absolutely burnt out. You want a cappuccino?” Geoff asked, his finger above the buzzer to his non gender specific assistant, Janice.

“I will fucking murder a cappuccino right now. I’ll kill it and then flip through its wallet until I find the address on its driver’s license, and then I’ll go to its house and kill its fucking family too,” Chaz eyed the powder with equal parts lust and hunger. His nose drooled in anticipation.

“Your kids: Dead. Your friends: Dead. Your dog: Dead. I am become Shiva, motherfucker.”

“Twisted! I’m right there with you, guy. I have just no respect for human life right now without a cappuccino. Janice? Janice are you there?”

“I swear to God, Janice, if I don’t get a cappuccino right now, I will turn into a werewolf.”

“I will transform into a wolfman, and in my wolfen state I will bite somebody. And they will bite somebody, and they will bite somebody else, and so on and so on until there is an entire army of wolfmen bearing down on the civilized world, Janice. That’s what’s going to happen unless we get two cappuccinos with extra foam in here, ASAP.”

“All right! Let’s get down to it, Chazzykins,” Geoff finally gestured toward the thin white lines, and Chaz cheerily bent to it.

“I’m sure you’ve heard by now all about the Spider Man 4 shake up? Even though it’s pretty much a brand new series, it’s still being canceled, recast and rebooted. It is going to be a gritty reboot of a series that is less than a decade old. And that got me thinking.”

“No, no, no. Grittier! He should have guns! He should be raping somebody!”


“Why, thank you! I made it myself. I’ve been getting really into this new Artisanal movement you know, bake your own bread, brew your own beer, cure your own meat and this shit here is my pride and joy. Shade grown, hand cut, environmentally friendly, 100 percent organic cocaine.”

“You can really tell. There’s almost a whimsical tone throughout. It finishes brightly, with a summery tartness and is that hints of cherry I detect?”

“Well, a gentleman never tells, Chaz. But back to business: This Spider Man movie isn’t alone; you know they’re doing a gritty reboot of Mad Max?”

“Wow. That was a pretty gritty movie already. I feel like my eyelid is bleeding.”

“Oh, it is. It absolutely is.”

“Fantastic,” Chaz enthusiastically replied, fidgeting in his seat. He quickly took off both shoes and squatted on Nike KD 7 the floor, rocking on his heels.

“And you’re absolutely right,” Geoff continued, frowning dismally at his enormous pile of coke, “Mad Max was gritty in every sense of the word. It was dark. Dystopian. Morally bankrupt and violent. Hell, there was even sand everywhere. It was literally fucking gritty there was grit all over the place! And it’s still getting a reboot. You understand? We’re reaching an impasse here there can’t be much more done.”

Seriously, the whole situation: Very gritty. From the atmosphere to Lord Humungus’s Rhinestone jockstrap. So gritty.

“Right right. But you gotta milk that cow until the liquid runs red. Right? What Jordan 2 Retro else are you gonna do? Right? Am I saying ‘right’ too much? I feel like I am. Am I right?”