Recently, I’ve had several people ask if I could talk about bullying. I’ll be perfectly honest here, I had no idea what I could possibly say about the subject. When I was in school, we just kind of had to deal with it as best we could, any advice coming from sitcoms and movies about nerds overcoming jocks by recording their girlfriends naked in the bathroom. Unfortunately, I never found a magical, cure all solution that made it go away, and I didn’t realize until I was all grown up that the sitcom words of wisdom weren’t Air Jordan 14s all that reliable. Advice like.

5. Tell an Adult They’ll Teach You to Fight

This is the very first thing they suggest when you find yourself discovering that putting makeup on a black eye just makes you look like David Bowie. And it makes sense. Diff’rent Strokes tackled that one back in 1980.

How they handled it:

Arnold tells his family that he’s being picked on by a bully named “The Gooch.” Mr. Drummond (his foster father) immediately signs Arnold up for a Taekwondo class and then leaves him to his own devices. At one point, Willis (Arnold’s brother) convinces him that he has a “killer foot,” which causes Arnold to challenge The Gooch to a fight. In the end, he finds out that he doesn’t actually have a killer foot, but the bully is scared away because he believes it’s true.

So keep that in mind, kids. If you have a bully up your ass, just convince him that you can kill him problem solved.

But in reality:

Arnold is slightly larger than a toddler. When he went down to confront the bully, had that kid not believed in magic feet, there’s a pretty good chance that Arnold would be shitting out his own intestines after The Gooch beat them loose.

See, most sane adults will go straight to the school. Barring that, they’ll go directly to the kid’s parents. What they usually try to avoid is cramming the kid into a financially draining martial arts class and hope they master it in the next 24 hours. Remember that Mr. Drummond spent the majority of that show reporting to the Adoption Agency to show that he was providing a safe environment for the kids. I’m pretty Air Jordan 19s sure they would have frowned upon the solution, “Here’s an Asian guy. Learn.””You do know it’s school policy to torture you with acid, right?”

It’s bullshit like this that kept my brother quiet during his own bully fiasco. What good would telling an adult do? They’ll just make you learn martial arts he just wanted to play like a normal kid after school.

When my brother was in elementary school, he had a couple of kids who would regularly push him around at recess. It got to the point where he would eat his lunch slowly and then attempt to stay in the cafeteria while the other kids played outside. It wasn’t until he was cornered by a teacher that he finally came clean about what was happening, and the school officials took action.

Parents were called in, and the bullies disappeared into the Principal’s office. Now, neither me nor my brother can tell you what took place behind those closed doors, but I like to think that it involved a flaming chainsaw and a nine iron. Regardless of what happened, the kids took extra care in avoiding my brother at all costs from that point on.

4. Just Ignore Them Unless You Can Verbally Slay Them

“Just ignore them” is more for the verbally abusive situations. Let’s be honest, it’s pretty hard to ignore a rage fueled sociopath throwing elbows into your kidneys. And even if you did, you’re just making it easier for him to achieve his goal of making you piss blood. But there are plenty of other types of bullies out there, and the name callers are some of the most common. Just One of the Guys is one of many, many movies that couldn’t resist having a main character put the bully in his place.

How they handled it:

That guy from The Karate Kid is bullying some kids in a lunchroom. He’s been doing it for a while, and up until that point, the lead male character has been doing his best to ignore him. But he finally reaches a breaking point, and decides to lay a verbal smackdown that the bully will never forget.

Not only does he start loudly belting out insults to a guy who is known school wide for beating the shit out of people, but he does it from the top of a cafeteria table, perched tall so that everyone can see who is delivering the burns. The bully gets shut down so badly that his girlfriend dumps him and even the nerds rub it in.

But in reality:

That would have lasted about six seconds with an actual bully before he jumped up onto that table and fed him the rest of his lunch through his ass. You Air Jordan Fusion 4 have to Air Jordan 2s remember that these people thrive on ego, and the character in the movie was getting his stroked by fucking with weaker kids and ruining their lunch. He didn’t beat them up because he didn’t have to. But when that guy took away the one true power he had over them, Air Jordan Women Size the bully resorted to, “I’m gonna beat the shit out of you!”

In my experience, I’ve found that if you can manage to pull it off, ignoring works in most cases. Since the asshole is looking for attention fuel, if you’re not providing that, they’ll simply get bored and find someone else to pick on. It really is just that simple. At least it was in my case.”You know, it’s strange, but that guy we call ‘fag’? I desperately want to have sex with him.”

Most of my school life, I was called a “fag.” I was a tall, skinny kid who was timid around girls and hung out with all guys. I detested assholes talking about which “bitch I fucked last weekend,” and it was pretty obvious when I checked out of those conversations. So when the bigger, more aggressive kids came around, I got tormented to no end.

But to my surprise, I found that when I kept walking and just didn’t give them any response whatsoever not even eye contact the comments just sort of faded a little each day until they finally realized that they were wasting their breath. Again, it’s hard to do that. Every part of your brain will be screaming at you to yell something smartass back. You’ll think of a hundred brilliant things that will put them all in their place. But you can’t win that battle, no matter how original or witty you come off. All that can happen there is for them to up the stakes and get physical. That’s the thing with bullies: they only pick fights they can win. And if they can’t win a verbal battle, they’ll try the next thing on the list. your ass.